So this week instead of giving you the boring details of my second week back, volleyball, school, work, date. My partner in crime Ricky Bobby who you heard about last week has written a fun little post about the wonderful nuiances of Denmark! Get ready to laugh (a lot) and learn a little more about the beautiful city I now live in.
Ten Things I Hate About Denmark
1. Stabbing Ice Winds. When I first arrived to Denmark, Ij informed me to exit the arrivals gate and walk straight. Do not turn left. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars. I did just that. I walked straight. Hit a wall. Sat down. After a couple of minutes of waiting for IJ to save me, I thought I’d stroll outside and look for Ij’s bun poking out of a car window. I immediately regretted my decision. The wind felt like I imagine a million ice picks would feel piercing my skin. Uncomfortable. Very very uncomfortable.
2. Cobble Stones. Demark is beautiful. A charming detail of the streets of Demark are sidewalks made of stone. Imagine walking down a sidewalk admiring the juxtaposition of cozy coffee shops, fresh produce outside the local corner grocery store, and grand ornate architecture…..Ouch! I freakin’ rolled my ankle. It’s fine. Shake it off. Soo beautiful. Ouch!!!! Seriously, cobble stone walkways are dangerous. I would suggest taping your ankles before attempting to navigate the streets of Denmark.
3. Darkness. Winter days in Denmark end early—4pm to be exact. At exactly 4pm everyday the sunsets and leaves you with darkness and despair. Now I may not have the best perception of the day’s length secondary to waking up around 10am and leaving the house even later, but I felt a vitamin D deficit developing. Not only does the sunset early, the sky is always gray. Does the sun shine in Denmark? In my expert opinion, no.
4. Silent Letters. I would love to say Danish came naturally to me. However, the reality is that Danish is impossible to learn. Every word was 12 letters long with randomly selected silent letters. There’s a reason why Denmark is the only country to speak Danish.
5. Bikes. Don’t be charmed by the simple life commuting by bicycles. I have mentioned the stabbing winds of Denmark. Imagine riding a bike into a thousand icicle daggers. In addition to the frozen hands, ears, toes, spit on your lip; bikes require a human driver to physically start and stop. Either Ij gave me a crap bike, or I’m an idiot. It took a good five minutes for me to figure out how to put the pedal in an appropriate place for starting. I missed several rounds of green lights and ended up having to push the bike across the street in front of cars who had the right of way but not before I asked Ij, “how do you start this thing.” To which she responded, “the bike?” Yes the mother-trucking bike!!!!!
6. Manners. In America we’ve found a way to walk close to one another without actually touching. In Denmark be prepared for people to tackle you without an apology. This was a regular occurrence. Imagine a tiny old lady throwing a shoulder into your waist as you pass them on the sidewalk and a shortie in the club nailing you as she makes her way to the restroom. Can I get an undskyld (sorry).
7. Showers. I can’t speak to all of Denmark, but the two showers I encountered flooded the entire bathroom. Water everywhere. This is occurs because the only thing between you and the rest of the bathroom is a thin plastic curtain that stops several inches before the tile floor. Following the flooding you are required to hunch over and squeegee the water covering the entire surface area of the floor back towards the tiny drain. Ten minutes later you can dress and stretch your back out.
8. Waiters. Expect to wait. You are seated and orders are taken quickly. Then you never see your waiter again. They disappear. Pace yourselves on your drinks. And be prepared to shout across the restaurant with arms in the air to request your check.
9. Water. I think that all of Denmark is severely dehydrated. Do they drink water? It was a challenge to get a glass of water at a restaurant and your chance of getting a refill is slim to none. Plus you have to pay for water, one of the most basic human needs! I recommend staying away from spicy meal options at restaurants as you will have no way to put out the fire in your mouth.
10. The worst part about Denmark is that they have taken my best friend. Ij, I miss you.